The Toughest *$%#^& Test I Ever Took

This is a story of bureaucracy run amok. It's a story of how the little guy gets blown by the winds and whims of government employees. It's an example of blind policy at the expense of logic.

You see, in early August, I found out that I needed to get a French driver's license.

Now, we knew before we came that France required visitors to get a French driving license after they'd been in the country for more than one year. But since we were only scheduled to stay for about 15 months, we expected that this would be a minor inconvenience. I figured that, at worst, the risk was a 100 euro fine if one got stopped with an expired license. After all, if the nation of France could trust us to drive for 12 months, surely 15 months would not pose a serious risk.

About the middle of July, Joe Moeddel (one of the Americans in Strasbourg) did a Google search out of curiosity. There was a lot of conflicting information on the web, but it became clear that one was supposed to get the license before the 12 month anniversery of the "debut date" of one's French visa. And what is the pain if you don't get a license? Come to find out, it means your auto insurance is null and void. So, to cut to the chase....

• No auto insurance means no car. The leasing agency wants the car back if your insurance lapses.
• You can't buy supplemental insurance to make up for it. Not in France. Not in the US.
• Not a big problem because I got my work visa in December of last year so my license is good until December.
• Except for the fact that the French Government screwed up and stamped it with a debut date of September instead of December.
• And, of course, if you call the government they agree that it's a mistake... but they can't correct it because there is no process for correcting it because, officially, they don't make mistakes.
• Then we learn that each state in the US has the option to sign an agreement with France to get reciprocal recognition of driving licenses.
• Not a problem, since most states in the US have such an agreement so that all you have to do is trade in your US license for a French one.
• Exept for the fact that Indiana is one of the states that has not signed a reciprocity agreement. Ohio has. Michigan has. Illinois has. Not Indiana though. Probably someone forgot to return the letter.
• Anyway, without a reciprocity agreement the only option is to go to the French equivalent of the BMV and take the test.
• Not a problem, because we had a couple of months to get that done. Surely one can get a driving license in two months..... Surely???

The nice man at the local driving school, Mr. Schlub said that he had never gotten anyone through the process in less than 3 months. Normally, it is a 4 to 6 month process.

You see, in order to get a driving license in France you have to pass a "theoretical exam" and a "practical exam". The "theoretical exam" is a test over the laws of the road ...a multiple choice test in a classroom setting. You have to make an appointment with the prefecture to schedule the test. If you're lucky they can get you a place within 6 weeks. The "practical exam" is actually driving on the road with a public examiner. You have to make an appointment for this also, but only after you've passed the practical exam.

So it came to pass that we were scheduled on October 5th to take our practical examination regarding the laws, regulations, and good habits of driving a car in France.

This is the toughest test I have ever taken in my life.

And I have taken a lot of tests. This one really, really sucked. There is no other way to describe it. It was more difficult than final exams in college. It was more difficult than getting my professional engineering license.

If you go to the Indiana Department of Motor Vehicles, the little booklet they give you is about 50 pages long. This is everything you would ever need to know for the Indiana driving test. If you memorize the two pages with the signs, you are going to be fine. The booklet in France is 310 pages. You pretty much have to memorize the whole thing - chapter and verse. And within these 310 pages there is much room for interpretation. We took preparatory classes. During classes, we argued the true meaning of the French driving manual much like fundamentalist preachers arguing the true meaning of the Bible or rabbis argue the Torah.The practical exam consists of 40 questions and you are allowed to get 5 wrong. The questions cover the areas of:

• Signs and signalization.
• The laws of road
• Good driving practices.
• Accident risk factors and statistics
• Penalties and fines for violations.
• Auto mechanics and the physics of driving

For example, did you know that in France you can transport up to 8 people in a car other than the driver, unless you are transporting children under 14 who count as half of an adult for the first five so you can transport up to 14 total people as long as all have seat belts and the children have necessary car seats and so long as any child in the front seat is facing backwards with the passenger side airbag disabled?

Did you know that you are required by law to drive with high beams at night outside of a city unless it is foggy or snowing or rainy in which case you can use your low beams and fog lights but only your front fog lights if it is raining because rear fog lights are only allowed for fog and snow but not rain?

Did you know that if you approach an intersection for which there are no stop signs or yield signs or stop lights to indicate right-of-way then the car that has no other car to it's right is allowed to go first? Did you know that the French put up warning signs in order to clarify intersections that have no stop signs or yield signs? Wouldn't you think that instead of sign to warn you that there are no other signs they could just put up a doggone stop sign?

Did you know that the stopping distance in dry weather is roughly the square of one tenth of your speed in kilometers and hour and that your reaction distance is approximately 3 times one tenth of your speed and your following distance should be your reaction distance multiplied by 2?

And, by the way...did I mention that the test is in French?

In the end, I passed the theoretical exam on October 5. In our session, two out of nine people passed. Next comes the practical exam. After 30+ years of driving, I have to prove to a French government employee that I can drive. Oh la la.

For your enjoyment, I've includes sample questions for the theoretical exam.

The intro picture asks, "what is the order of passage of the cars through the intersection?". The answer is B. First goes Red, then Blue, then Green. Since there are no signs at the intersection (other than the "X" sign that warns you that there are no signs) then it is a pure right-of-way situation.

The next picture asks, "We are on the 11th of the month. Parking is allowed on the right or left side of street? and can one make a U turn to park?" The answers are B and C. Parking is allowed on the left because the "no parking" sign on the right carries a "1-15" specification that means that parking is only allowed on the right side for the second half of the month and since it is the 11th we will have to park on the left side. And since there is no other sign prohibiting a U-turn we are allowed to make one to park on the left.

The next question asks, "if the speed is multiplied by 2 then the centrifugal force is? Also doubled? or multiplied by 4? or multiplied by 8?". The correct answer is B...multiplied by four. This is because every French driver is familiar with Newton's first law of physics which implies that for circular motion there must be a centrifugal force equal to the mass times the square of the velocity divided by the radius of the curve. Thus, a doubling of velocity with all other variables held constant would result in a 4 times increase in force.

The third questions says, "I am driving at 90 km/hr. To pass a vehicle that is driving at 70 km/hr it will require about: 5 seconds or 10 seconds"? and the distance required to pass will be about 100 meters or 250 meters?" The answers are B (10 seconds) and D (250 meters). This is because every French driver knows that they must provide a 55 meter zone of security around a vehicle to be passed, which at the speeds specified will require 55 / [(90-70)/10 *3]or approximately 10 seconds for the passing maneuver. And, at 90 km/h one will travel (90/10)*3 or 27 meters every second which will equal about 250 meters for the 10 seconds required to pass the other vehicle.

The final picture asks the queston, "This sign (white circle with the black slash) puts an end to the prohibition caused by which of these signs that may have appeared earlier?" The answer is A, B, and D. The sign ends the 50 km/h speed limit (A) and also ends the prohibition against using the horn (B) and the prohibilition against passing (D). Every French driver knows that it does not put an end to the prohibition of parking or stopping (sign C).

As a final note, the sign shown in the last question - the white circle with the black slash - is a very happy sign in Germany. When you see this sign on the autobahn, it means that all speed limits are off. It is the "blast off" sign.